RAM PRODUCTIONS INTERNATIONAL
  • Home
  • How We Can Work Together
  • About Michael Russnow
  • Actor/Personality
    • Sample Reel
    • 2014 Sample Reel
    • Michael Russnow Does Stand-Up
    • Water Into Wine
    • The Time Tree - Older Alex
    • Actor's Slate - One Minute Version
    • Actor's Slate - Four Minute Version
    • Interview on Stanley Dyrector Show - Part One
    • Interview on Stanley Dyrector Show - Part Two
    • Interview on Stanley Dyrector Show - Part Three
    • Interview on Stanley Dyrector Show - Part Four
    • Michael Russnow Speaks Out Episode 1
    • Michael Russnow Speaks Out! - Episode 2
    • Commentators Shouldn't Say Trump Has Pulse of America
  • Huffington Post Articles
    • Business >
      • Abolish Tipping
      • AIG Reverse Stock Split
      • AIG Plummets: Stock Split
      • Asus Computers
      • AT&T Doesn't Communicate
      • Bernard Madoff Swindled Everyone
      • Citigroup Reverse Split
      • Citigroup to Reverse Split
      • Horrible Banking Experiences
      • Is Shelly Sterling Channeling Lurleen Wallace?
      • Los Angeles Parking Meter Signs
      • My GE Dishwasher Tragedy
      • State Controller Has Your Money Available
      • Windows 7 Not As Great As Advertised
      • You Can't Feed Parking Meters
    • Media >
      • Abolish the Electoral College
      • BP Chairman Choice of Words
      • British Nurse Suicide Overblown By Media
      • Ed McMahon's Money Problems
      • Is Media Keeping Trump Alive
      • Los Angeles Times Backtracks on TV Grid
      • Lou Dobbs and His Ilk are Wrong
      • Media Downplays Hillary 3 Million Victory
      • Media Headline Biases
      • Media Inflames Comey Letter Re Hillary
      • Media Mischaracterizes GOP Win
      • Media Props Trump Up, Even When Hillary Wins Debate
      • Media Says Hillary's Not Transparent
      • Media Scare Tactics
      • Media Sensationalizes Obamacare Premium Rise
      • Memo to the Media: Maybe It's Time For a "Spartacus" Moment
      • Obama Asks Pundits Not to Skew Words
      • Obama Gym Workout No Big Deal
      • Obama Promised Change - From Bush and Cheney
      • Obama Would Be Citizen, Even if Born in Kenya
      • Palin Accuses Letterman of Seeking PR
      • What's Happened to the LA Times?
      • White House Gate Crashers
      • Why Does Trump Get More Face Time Than Hillary?
      • Why Media Normalizes Trump
    • Politics >
      • 2012 Iowa Caucuses: Shakespeare Was Right About the Masses
      • 2012 Vice Presidential Debate: Biden Blew Ryan Away
      • 25th Amendment Might Rid Us of Trump
      • Calling for Al Gore
      • Debate 2: Hillary Held Firm, While Trump Lied
      • Donald Trump Comportment: When is Enough Enough?
      • Donald Trump Supporters Are Deplorable
      • Donald Trump Supporters Must Be Stupid
      • Electoral College Support Because Founders Created it
      • Europeans are for Obama
      • French Choose President By CItizenry
      • GOP Senators Continue to Support Trump
      • Has Hillary Given Up in South Dakota?
      • Hillary Beat Trump in Popular Vote
      • James Comey, Legal Moralist or Fool?
      • John McCain No Longer a Hero
      • McCain's Nervous Breakdown
      • McCain/Palin Debate Spin
      • McCain Pulls Out the Heartstrings
      • Obama Accepts Super PAC Money
      • Obama & Clinton Forces, Can't We Get Along?
      • Obama Becoming First Wimp
      • Obama's Decision to Go to Copenhagen
      • Obama First 2012 Debate: Gotta Do Better
      • Obama Has Every Right to Replace Scalia
      • Obama: It's Time to Play Hardball
      • Obama Must Stop Postponing Health Care Law
      • Obama Needs Marc Antony to Get it Right
      • Obama Nobel Peace Prize
      • Obama Second 2012 Debate: Romney Overmatched
      • Obama Third 2012 Debate: He Gives Romney Presidential Seminar
      • Obama Won, But GOP Doesn't Seem to Recognize it
      • Patriotism Not a Republican Virtue
      • Pence Won Debate, Not By Much
      • Political Leaders and Journalists MUST Discuss Popular Presidential Vote
      • Politician/Media Rarely Discuss Americans Preferred Hillary
      • Popular Vote Must Choose Presidency
      • Primary Ballots For Party Members Only
      • Proposition 8 Backlash
      • Redo in Michigan and Florida
      • Religion in Politics
      • Romney Acceptance Speech
      • Rudy Giuliani's Screaming Convention Tirade
      • Ruth Bader Ginsurb's Contempt for Donald Trump
      • Sarah Palin's Appeal is That She's Annie Oakley
      • Sarah Palin's a Right-Wing Gidget
      • Sarah Palin, A Stepford Wife
      • Sarah Palin Is No Dan Quayle
      • Scalia Should Recuse on Gay Issues
      • Senate Refusal to Vote on Scalia Replacement a Sham
      • Should Anthony Weiner Resign?
      • Super Delegates Caved to Obama
      • Trump Is No Populist
      • Trump Name Calling: Why Hasn't it Backfired?
      • Trump Paris Pull-Out, Time To Elect Popular Vote President
      • Trump Performance as President Might Be Best Solution to Change Presidential Election System
      • Trump's Problems Aren't Going Away
      • We've Finally Got Health Care
      • When Does Political Correctness Go Too Far?
      • Will Hillary Have Last Laugh?
    • Show Business >
      • Movies >
        • A Most Violent Year
        • Black Swan a Must See
        • Boyhood: An Engaging Film
        • Che The Movie
        • Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino
        • The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
        • Deborah Kerr, Rhymes With Star
        • Defiance
        • The Fighter
        • Good
        • The Hateful Eight Bloated But Intriguing
        • Honorary Academy Awards Ceremony a Travesty
        • Inception
        • Jackie Chan Should Not Get an Oscar
        • Leonardo DiCaprio Deserves the Oscar for "Wolf of Wall Street"
        • Michael Moore"s Where to Invade Next: Documentary or Propaganda?
        • Minority Report and the Oscar Controversy
        • Mitch Reinholt of American Teen
        • Movie Theatre Etiquette
        • Nicholas Hoult of A Single Man
        • Jackie Chan Gets an Oscar?
        • Quentin Tarantino Afraid Aging Will Make Him Out of Touch
        • The Reader
        • Revolutionary Road
        • Seven Pounds
        • Texting in Theatres Is A Blight
      • Television >
        • The Amazing Race
        • Big Brother: Danielle's Stupid Decision
        • Big Brother: Frank Eudy's Ouster
        • Celebrity Apprentice 2011
        • Charlie Sheen's Rant
        • Conan O'Brien's Pissed
        • David Letterman's Apology to Palin
        • David Letterman Gag Didn't Work
        • Do We Need Intrusive Network Logos
        • Glee Message of Tolerance Misguided
        • Golden Globes 2010
        • Golden Globes 2011
        • Golden Globes 2012
        • Golden Globes 2016
        • Hell's Kitchen's Gordon Ramsay
        • I Can Die Now, I've Met Betty White
        • Lost Finale
        • NBC's Decision to Bring Back Leno
        • Political Correctness on TV
        • Racial Advancement on TV
        • Survivor Caramoan: Why Was Erik Reichenbach Ignored by Jeff Probst?
        • Survivor Nicaragua 2010
        • Survivor Redemption Island 2011
        • Survivor: Samoa 2009
        • Susan Boyle I
        • Susan Boyle II
        • Susan Boyle III - The Finals
        • The Amazing Race: Amazing that Brooke and Scott Made the Top 3
        • The Emmy Awards 2014
        • The Oscars 2010
        • The Oscars 2011
        • The Oscars 2012
        • The Oscars 2013
        • The Oscars 2013 Afterthought: Why MacFarlane's Lincoln Joke Didn't Work
        • The Oscars 2014
        • The Oscars 2015
        • The Oscars 2016
        • The Oscars 2017
        • TV Cops Get Away With Murder
        • TV Shows and Films Shouldn't Screw Talent
        • Young Actors in TV Roles
      • Book of Oded Review
      • Chekhov Alive in Hollywood
      • Cutting Meat in Movies and TV Shows
      • Hal Kanter Memories
      • I Never Cried For My Father
      • Perceptionism is the worst "ism"
      • Robert Anderson Has Died
      • SAG Actors Must Remain Strong
      • SAG Negotiations Marred by Clooney and Hanks
      • Ted Lange's Lady Patriot Onstage
      • Trump Bails Out Ed McMahon
      • WGA Strike For Dummies I
      • WGA Strike For Dummies II
      • WGA Strike For Dummies III
      • WGA Strike For Dummies IV
    • Travel >
      • Airline Fees Are Chintzy
      • Airline Service Is a Sham
      • Bitching Can Be Effective
      • Morocco Can Be Intriguing
      • Volcano in Iceland
    • It's Not Easy to Become a Juror
  • My Novel
  • LA Fitness Has Terrible Customer Service
  • Political Correctness Should Be Challenged
    • Contact
  • Sarah Palin Says She's Not Responsible
  • Remedies When You've Been Cheated
  • The Iguassu Falls
  • Getting to Rio
  • Rio de Janeiro
  • São Paulo
  • London Film Award Certificate


I NEVER CRIED FOR MY FATHER

He Died on Saturday, But Unlike
a Motion Picture,The Tears Never Came

                                                                                                               The Huffington Post, May 8, 2008


With apologies to my friend playwright Robert Anderson, whose title inspired me for this piece, Sunday morning I got a call
from my closest relative, cousin Arlene -- really my surrogate mother, who gave me the following news:

She'd heard from her son, who'd heard from his uncle that apparently my father had died the previous night.  It wasn't
surprising in that he was 94, and it wasn't surprising to have learned the news in this fourth-hand manner, as I haven't dealt
with my immediate family at all in a very long time.  Arlene and I assumed, though she wasn't sure, that it was probably my sister who started this bizarre chain of communication that eventually found its way to me.

I will spare you most of the whys and the wherefores, and you'll just have to trust me when I explain how about twenty years
ago I decided enough was enough and never bothered to put up with what I perceived to be gross insensitivity displayed
by my mother, father and sister to me at varying times in my life.

Up until that point in time I bent over backwards to maintain contact and initiate visits, which were rarely reciprocated. 
All this in spite of many slights shown over the years and lack of support for my career choice and personal sensibilities. 
At a certain moment I decided that the pendulum had finally gone as far as it could go to -- dare I say -- make it cost effective
from an emotional state to continue setting myself up for further let downs.  I determined that if there is a scale of sorts that balances the pros and cons of a relationship, when the pain of seeing my parents and talking with them outweighed the pain
of not having a relationship at all, it was a reluctant choice that had to be made if for no other reason than to keep my sanity.

And for that reason I am grieving. Not with tears over my father's passing, but for the fact that there are no tears.  I grieve
that it is unrealistic to express sorrow about the loss of someone you haven't seen or heard from in twenty years.  When
I stopped calling my parents it was not over a fight.  There was nothing official that caused this prolonged estrangement. 
I just got tired of playing the lap dog, who was always anxious for the petting that rarely came.  Indeed when I ceased my involvement with them there was no statement of concern or pain from them.  It's not as if I hung up on them when they
called me incessantly to find out what was wrong.  They never called or wrote at all.  So, I finally got the message that
should have been so clear from the start.

If this were a motion picture, various characters would say, "Get over it. They're your parents."  And I will admit that my childhood was a far cry from Oliver Twist.  I was fed, clothed and sheltered and given the basics of a lower middle class life. 
But when I needed encouragement to follow my dreams I was beaten down with humiliating interactions in which they used
their friends, most of whom I admired, to "talk sense" to me and make me feel quite foolish.  All this to deflect the discussion from turning to their disinterest in providing financial support so that I could go to UCLA, which I never asked them to provide. 
I later wrote a play about this, entitled, Family Bliss, which of course it wasn't.

So, if there were a movie or more realistically a soapy Lifetime television play, this inner struggle would all be dramatized,
the scenes would be replayed and at the end of the story there would be some sort of heart wrenching encounter with my parents, tears abounding all around as we faded to black.

But my life isn't a movie and I wonder if movies sometimes, in their zeal for optimism and a happy ending, don't make it that much more painful for those of us who have to live with reality.  Some people do have great families, as my cousin Arlene
does with her children and her late husband Ed, but many families do not, in spite of The Donna Reed Show and
Bill Cosby Show fictional types that get so much attention and influence us far too much.  We give way too much stock to
family titles, even as they might not be earned.  We have no problem shedding friends or spouses, but God forbid we do so
with siblings and the folks called Mom and Dad.

What if they don't deserve our emotional output?  What if they aren't worthy in spite of their going through the motions of
taking care of us when we are small?  I guess what I'm saying is that the necessities of life do not by themselves entitle these family members to unconditional love for the decades that follow if there are significant issues that have caused us pain and there appears no realistic way to resolve them over the years.

You are all free to do what you wish.  I offer simply that my life has been happier not being chained to people simply
because of genetic ties.

And still I grieve over the fact that I was not blessed with a family who loved me enough so that I might have felt the natural
urge to let the tears flow when I learned that my father had died.

                                                    Follow Michael Russnow on Twitter: www.twitter.com/kerrloy

                                                                                                                                                                Contact Us
Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.